NGNB (Nice Guy, Not Bastard) THEOREM

Statement :

Prerak is a nice person and not a bastard.

Given:

Prerak

To Prove:

Prerak is a nice person.
Prerak is not a bastard.

Proof:

“Not all people, who claims that they are not bastards, are bastards.” ------ (1)
-- Prerak S. Parikh
' Daily Vibes'
1998

I claim that I am not a bastard. ------ (2)


Chhabu, a respected computer engineer, a SAP consultant and my near & dear friend is well known for ‘speaking truth’ in my friend circle..

Every word uttered by him is true. ------ (3)

The following are certain real life incidents, evidences and stories that supports my point and are required to prove my theorem.


1) Chabbra’s Traffic light’s theory :-

A traffic signal has three lights..Red, Yellow and Green..

Hey Hey..wait..!

I’m sure u must be wondering wht the hell am I talking..?

Well, this is not at all related to traffic signal but the colours..

lemme elaborate..

Chhabu used to carry a diary in which he categorized people whom he met in his life under three different columns..

'The Red' , 'The Yellow' and 'The Green'

Strange..?

it is..!

Red symbolizes anger, hatred, abhorrence, etc..
Those people, whom Chhabu hated the most in life, were placed in this column. The column consisted of 50% of the people, whom he knew..

Yellow symbolizes dullness, etc..
Those people, whom he had okay okay types relationship, were placed here. The column consisted of rest 40% of the people.

Green symbolizes truth, love, etc..
The rest 10% of the people, whom he really liked were categorized in this column..

Guess wht..?

I was categorized in the ‘Green ’column which makes a nice person according to him. ------ (4)

Now, from (3) and (4)

It can be easily proved tht I’m a nice person ------ proved ------ (5)


2) Chhabu in puddle

fasten ur seat belts..it’s humorous..

Once upon a time (this is how all the stories starts)..

but wait..

I still remember when it took place..

This comic incident took place during third internal in the 5th semester. I was unfortunately not there as I was commuting. Hemal, Chhabu and me were room partners those days.

Hey Hey..! chillax guys..! i’m sure u all must be anxiously waiting for me to start..

Well, here I go..

Chhabu, a respected computer engineer and a SAP consultant as I said earlier and Hemal, the style icon were taking a deep nap on one fine rainy evening in room no 215 of DDU hostel. It was extremely dark and the clock struck 7. Dark clouds were showering heavily with loud thunderstorms literally ripping off the ear drums. A sudden crackling sound of thunderstorm woke Hemal up from a wonderful dream. He then woke Chhabu up and both decided to take dinner at Woodlands (‘THE’ place in Nadiad for lunch and dinner). Hemal quickly wore a black agile T-Shirt and a bermuda shorts and asked chhabu who was lazily lying on bed to get ready fast. Chhabu quickly donned his ‘phuket’ jersey, ‘bornfire’ bermuda shorts and a pair of fancy brown slippers on hemal’s warning to leave for dinner without him if he took more time. Eventually, they locked up the room door and headed for Woodlands but not before kicking Dilli’s room’s door (room no. 212) which was on the right side of the lobby from 215, just to bug him (Dilli), Ramani and Jinu.

On reaching the hostel’s main gate, they found out that the kuchcha road that connected the hostel with Kisan Samosa Street was water-logged. It was no different than a marshy land; slippery and watery. Inspite of Chhabu’s refusal, they decided to go ahead. Discussing about the exam we took in the morning , they started to find their way by the road sides which was less slippery. They were literally struggling to get to the Kisan Samosa Street from where they could get an auto rickshaw and reach the restaurant easily. Suddenly a sound was heard (only to one person..u’ll soon know) ‘puchhaakk’..should I replay it again..? ‘puchhaakk’ yes yes..u heard it right ‘puchhaakk’..Don’t laugh..but Chhabu’s left leg was in a puddle and his foot along with fancy slipper got stuck in wet mud beneath, halting him. Hemal did not realize at that time and kept on moving ahead carefully only to find out later that Chhabu wasn’t around. He looked back and saw Chhabu stuck somewhere. He exclaimed “ hey loda, tya shu kare che..? jaldi karne..kaale exam che..khabar che ne..? ek pan akshar vaachiyo nathi” ("Hey ass..! wht the hell are you doing over there..? come fast..! don’t u know that we have exam tomorrow..? I haven’t studied a single word yet.”).Chhabu’s cry for help made Hemal realize that he was in trouble. On knowing wht happened exactly, Hemal started laughing like anything as if Chhabu was a joker. Chhabu asked him for help but he (Hemal) was intelligent. His laughter grew louder and louder. Finding himself alone, Chhabu decided to help himself on his own. To remove his left leg from the puddle, he forcefully inserted his right one on which he can lift the left leg, splashing the muddy water all over his body. Guess wht..? I know u guessed it right..! he ended up with both the legs in the puddle; completely stranded. “ Bhagwaan, O mara Bhagwaan..!” (“God, Oh my God..!”), he cried. Still, Hemal’s laughter was growing louder and louder (asshole..!).

Eventually, Chhabu decided to take an immediate step and he lifted his left leg with a jerk only to find that his foot was bare...(lol..!). His fancy brown slipper was gone. It was stuck in wet mud in the puddle. He then placed his left bare foot at a safer place and furiously lifted his right one..yes yes..it isn’t hard to guess..! the right slipper was also gone..Hemal went crazier and crazier (haramkhor). Chhabu was now bare footed ,wht we call as “Naange paav” in hindi..with his pair of fancy slippers stuck in the puddle. He was almost entirely splashed with muddy water all over his body..(Wht a comic scene..?). Unfortunately (infact fortunately), there was no one around to help (Hemal = no one). There was no option left with Chhabu other than to put his hands in the puddle to search his slippers..(Yuck..!). He fortunately (infact unfortunately) found the slippers with mud all around and washed it in some other nearby puddle. He angrily asked Hemal “Bhaad ma jaa..!” (“Plz,Go Away..!”) and told him “agar Prerko hot to mane definitely help karat” (“ If Prerak would have had been there, he would have had definitely helped me”)..

wait..!

lemme just rewind and play it again in 1/2x mode

“a g a r P r e r k o h o t t o m a n e d e f I n I t e l y h e l p k a r a t” (“ I f P r e r a k w o u l d h a v e h a d b e e n t h e r e , h e w o u l d h a v e h a d d e f I n I t e l y h e l p e d m e”). ------ (6)

This proves that Chhabu believes that I’m not a bastard. ------ (7)

from (3) and (7) we can deduce that

Prerak is not a bastard ------proved ------ (8)

Finally, from (5) and (8)

Prerak is a nice person.
Prerak is not a bastard.

Hence, the statement..
Prerak is a nice person and not a bastard.