CONTEST NO. 1

BASED ON THE THREE POSTS POSTED EARLIER

hello friends..!

First of all, i would like to thank u all for liking my blog so much and also for the comments.I am really overhemled by ur responses and i promise to maintain the quality.With the increasing popularity of my blog, i've come up with a contest exclusively for u all.Answer all the questions correctly and earn a free lifetime membership to my blog along with daily prizes.

So wht the hell r u waiting for..?

Wake up and start tickling ur grey cells..


NGNB (Nice Guy, Not Bastard) THEOREM

Questions:

1) Fill in the blanks
(a)“Not all people, who claims that they are not ________, are ________.”
(b) Every word uttered by Chhabra is _______.

2) Name the two real life incidents which proves the author's point?

3) How many lights does a traffic signal have? Which are they?

4) What does the yellow color symbolize according to the author?

5) What percentage of people were categorized in Red, Yellow and Green column?

6) In which column was the author categorized?

7) What is/was Chhabra's occupation?

8) What did Chhabra wear on the incident day?

9) What sound was heard when Chhabra's left leg got stuck in wed mud in the puddle?

10) Who says this:

“ hey loda, tya shu kare che..? jaldi karne..kaale exam che..khabar che ne..? ek pan akshar vaachiyo nathi” ("Hey ass..! wht the hell are you doing over there..? come fast..! don’t u know that we have exam tomorrow..? I haven’t studied a single word yet.”).

and to whom?

11) What was hemal doing during the whole incident?

12) What happened to Chhabra right leg when he inserted it forcefully in the puddle to lift the left one?

13) What happened to Chhabra fancy brown slippers?

14) What did Chhabra finally do to remove those fancy slippers?

15) Who says this:

“agar Prerko hot to mane definitely help karat” (“ If Prerak would have had been there, he would have had definitely helped me”).

and to whom?

16) What did the author prove ultimately?


'THE CHADDI MODEL'

Questions:

1) Who all carried out the work?

2) What purpose was 'THE CHADDI MODEL' made for?

3) Which model was difficult to remember?

4) Which is the sixth step in 'THE WATERFALL MODEL'?

5) Why is there no quitting in 'THE CHADDI MODEL'?

6) Which is the last step in chaddi model?


'WINNERS NEVER QUIT' (1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2)

Questions:

1) Fill in the blank
"Winners never quit and _______ never win."

2) The following quote "The only way to be number one is to be number one." was printed in which newspaper?

3) List down the names of legendary cricketers on whom the story is based?

4) List down the adjectives used to describe prerak's bowling and chintan's batting?

5) What happened to some loser's asses?

6) Name the cafe where prerak and chintan used to spend 5-6 hours a day discussing abt India's future in cricket?

7) What name did prerak and chintan gave to their team and how many players were there in it?

8) Where was the first ever historical win registered?

9) By how many runs were 'THE PANTHERS' butchered?

10) What title did 'THE HOOLIGANS' earns after their success?

11) Name the cricket academy which 'THE HOOLIANS' started?

12) What was the cost of mansion that 'THE HOOLIGANS' owned?

13) Who stood at the door when prerak opened it?

14) What is 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2 and how is it done?

15) What was the name of the four dumb men's team?

15) How many matches did the teams play?

16) Where were the matches played and who was the refree?

17) Who says this:

"haaish..! atleast tame to aavya..mane to em ke aaje daav" ("oh..! atleast u reached..i thought u ditched me today ")

and to whom?

18) What did 'THE GORILLAS' wear on that day?

19) Who was 'THE GORILLAS's' skipper?

20) Name the 'THE GORILLAS' team members.

21) Who bowled the first over?

22) What was the score after the fourth over?

23) Who hit six sixes in the last over?

24) Who won the match finally?

25) What's the moral of the story?

26) List all the adjectives and abusive words used for 'THE GORILLAS'.

'WINNERS NEVER QUIT' (1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2)

"Winners never quit and quitters never win."
-- Prerak Parikh
-- Chintan Shroff
US Weekly
April,2007

"Winners are the people with definite life purposes."
-- Prerak Parikh
-- Chintan Shroff
The Times of India
May,2007

"The only way to be number one is to be number one."
-- Prerak Parikh
-- Chintan Shroff
The Khaleej Times
June,2007

The following story is about two legendary cricketers viz. Prerak Parikh & Chintan Shroff that india has ever produced and their series of match wins during Dec '07 - Apr '07..Can anyone challenge prerak's whopping rocket fast deliveries and chintan's flamboyant & magnificient drives..?

No one..! right..?

But still there were some hapless & maverick losers who opted to challenge them and ended up getting humiliated, with their asses literally getting thrashed, smashed & crashed into a lump of dirty & stinky shit, with flies and mosquitos hovering all over..(yuck..!)

ops..! sorry..! i know that's tough to imagine but that is exactly what happened..cannot help it..

anyways..lemme just take u away from the above stinky stuff and give u the background..

During my stay in ahmedabad from Dec '07 - Apr '07, i met Mr. Chintan Shroff alias Chinki in one of the sport events in The Sports Club.It was our common interest in cricket that drew us closer.Gradually, we started spending more and more time together,discussing about various cricket techiques, tricks, ideologies, opinons and strategies.We used to spend about 5-6 hours daily in mocha, chatting about india's future in cricket along with hukka pipes in mouth and smoke all around.Eventually, after hours and days of our discussion, we decided and formed a cricket team named 'THE HOOLIGANS'..don't laugh..but the team only had two players Chintan and ME..(We were equivalent to 11).

The first ever historical win was registered on 21st january '07 when 'THE HOOLIGANS' butchered 'THE WARRIORS' by whopping 500 runs at Mithalal-kaniyalal Gali, near lala kaka's bhajiya shop, Ambawadi Por, Ahmedabad.The exciting match was witnessed by the entire globe & accolades flew into our dressing room following the opening-night triumph.

The whole world was aghast when we thrashed 'THE PANTHERS' with 788 runs victory at Chimanlal gali, Ramaniklal Chowk, near kaali mata's temple, Maninagar, Ahmedabad on 25th january '07.Rich accolades were bestowed on the cricket heros viz. 'THE HOOLIGANS'.We soon realised that we were immortal and the champions.

The above two match wins earned the title 'LEGENDS' for us.It was an absolute honor to recieve it from BCCI.We decided to stop playing after that and started cricket coaching classes named 'THE HOOLIGANS CRICKET ACADEMY'.There was an instant rush on the first day itself that we actually registered some 4 to 5 lacs aspirants. On the registration of 4.8 lacs aspirants on the second day our intake capacity was over.We lived happliy then..

Hey..! the story is not over yet..infact till now wht i told was the background..

The actual story starts now..

On one fine shivery evening, Chintan and me were taking rest at our mansion which we bought for $20 billion on C.G road, Ahmedabad."Knock,Knock", i heard all of sudden.I just opened my eyes (half asleep) and scanned all around. Finding no one, i went back to sleep..Chintan too, was sleeping deeply & snoring like a buffalo.We were extremely tired because of our hectic schedule of the cricket academy that we owned."Knock,Knock" i heard again..this time i woke up completely with eyes wide open.Soon, i realised that someone was at the door..Chitan was still lying on his bed snoring badly and with his mouth wide open as if asking GOD to stuff it with gold.."Asshole",i exclaimed angrily.."knock,knock", i heard again.."wait a minute u bastard", i shouted. Furiously i stood up and opened the door but not before slapping chintan's ass tightly with a loud smack.

Four dumb men stood at the door and introduce themselves as Hemal,nandish,abhi and pratik."What do u want assholes..?",i asked angrily, yawning & rubbing my eyes.Chintan was fully awake by that time and he came and stood beside me."oye..! tame shu maano cho potaani jaatne..? match lagaavi che..?" ("hey..! what the hell do u think of urself..? wanna play against us..? "), hemal shouted."Chillax dude..!", we replied and asked them to sit on sofa and explain the matter in detail.I actually wanted to bash their heads off but feared that it might evoke media to fill up their columns against us.The title 'LEGEND' isn't that easy to retain..it may evaporate or vanish with a media's single arrow shot..wht say..? agree..?

anyways..coming back to the story..

They ultimately came to the point.They wanted to defeat us in a cricket match and show the world that india bears more talent than wht it sees."ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha",we laughed with our hands on stomach..i hope u can imagine.."ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"..the fantastic four got extremely furious with everyone stopping everyone from reacting physically..The matter was going worse..and it was now hurting our celebrity status..We excepted their offer to play 7 series against them each one of 7 matches..that makes 49 matches overall..

49 matches..offf..!, we reacted.

i said "these assholes needs 49 matches to defeat us..we r literally gonna humiliate them" in chintan's ear..Chintan was also laughing in his zipped mouth."Our team's name is 'THE GORILLAS' and remember it",abhi shouted.." What..? 'THE GORILLAS'" ,we repeated and fell down laughing madly..They felt as if they were jokers..and

wait..!

u must be wondering wht the does 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2 in the tile signify..?

hmm..! well, lemme just break the secret..

1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2...It's a jingle created by Chintan and ME to irritate others especially our opponents..we sing it whenever he hit a six,
four or take a wicket.

people give high-fives but we use this jingle.

Now how to use this jingle..?

well,

when u say 1 tap ur left leg with the right one lifted in air and when u say 2 tap ur right leg with the left one lifted in air..1 for left, 2 for right, 1 for left, 2 for right (just like army people do)..go on and on and on and on..untill the opponent guy gets extremely furious.This has actually played a vita role in our success..

coming back to the story..

hmm..! yes..so we accepted the challenge..and the dates of matches were decided as follows:

series 1: 5th Feb'07 to 11 Feb'07
series 2: 12th Feb'07 to 18 Feb'07
series 3: 19th Feb'07 to 25 Feb'07
series 4: 26th Feb'07 to 4 Mar'07
series 5: 5th Mar'07 to 11 Mar'07
series 6: 12th Mar'07 to 18 Mar'07
series 7: 19th Mar'07 to 25 Mar'07

each match 5 overs

Venue: tapan's verendah, bhagat baug, paldi, Ahmedabad.

Time: 2:00 pm onwards.

Guest of honor cum Refree: Mr. Tapan Bhagat

Guess wht..?

We won all the matches played against them with a clean sweep..

Well, i would not describe the details of each and every match but the one of my favorites which we won with a great pride and honor..

13th match i.e the match played on the 17th Feb'07

Wow, What a match..?

It was a hot & clear afternoon and the sun shone brightly, literally sucking off the body's water..We reached there at 1:30 pm..hmm..not sure..We were the first ones to reach there even before 'THE GORILLAS',audiences and media..we reached there and saw our refree cum chief guest Mr. Bhagat wondering about here and there.."haaish..! atleast tame to aavya..mane to em ke aaje daav" ("oh..! atleast u reached..i thought u ditched me today "), Mr. bhagat said with a satisfaction tone..

We examined the pitch and other groundconditions."eeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh..!",skidded Honda city.."hey 'THE GORILLAS' are here.",Chintan whispered in my ears..well, this was the only day during our series where both teams and refree cum guest of honor were present before the audiences and media.."khaataak",all the four car doors openned simultaneously and 'THE GORILLAS' came out, donned in white jersey, black tracks and rajnikant's gogs..neither i nor chintan could control our laughter ..Mr bhagat also went flat on the ground seeing their dressing..Soon, media and other audiences arrived..All started clicking 'THE GORILLAS' photos..for some obvious reasons..(lol..!)..A rupee coin flipped in air and i shouted "heads"..refree congatulated me and asked me to decide..we decided to bat first (team tricks and techniques)..The match started..yes yes..it was 2 men versus 4 gorillas..wht we called as 'handicap match'..but number doesnot matter.Wht matters are the skills and techniques.Everyone took their respective positions and the whistle was blown.Chintan was on strike and me on the other side..Hemal,'THE GORILLAS' captain snatched the ball from pratik,who wanted to bowl the first over and gave it to his dear friend Abhi.Abhi bowled the very first bowl of the very first over with a prasad's style and he was smashed for a sixer by chintan."Once more",the crowd exclaimed.Hemal was extremely anrgry with him(Abhi).."Asshole..!",he shouted..Chintan and me were having a gentle smile on our faces..the
second delivery also resulted in a flamboyant six.The score board blinked 12-0 in 0.2 overs.The crowd was going mad and pessure started building up on 'THE GORILLAS'.The third delivery gave the same outcome but it was bit dramatic this time.Chintan went for a hook shot and nandish dropped the catch near the boundry with the ball falling off the ropes.It was a six..! "Thank GOd",i whispered.Hemal was angry with nandish this time.Everything was going wrong with 'THE GORILLAS'..3 balls and 18 runs.."What the hell..?",hemal shouted..The first over ended up with 30 runs on the scorebord.The Style icon Hemal snatched the ball from Abhi's hand telling him "U know something..? u r an asshole"."i'm sorry",Abhi apologised and the second over started.i was on strike during his first ball.i'm not a good batsman but guess wht..? one more six.."1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2",we sang and danced..'THE GORILLAS' were completely exasperated.The second over ended up 56 runs on the score-board with no loss obviously.There was no srike change during this over and hence we changed our side for the third one.Chintan was on stike again to smash their asses off.Three more sixes yielded from this over.We took no singles in this three overs.Score bored shouted "Good going 'THE HOOLIGANS'".The fourth over yielded 16 more runs with four fours by me.The last over was the best.Chintan hit six sixes in six balls in pratik's over breaking all the previous records.Audience went crazy..! breaking off the fences and lifting us on their shoulders.The
score-board displayed 126-0 in 5 overs..GOD..!

ooooooooffffffffffff..!

Guess wht..?

they literally gave up and went off in their honda city..!

"jab aaye the to deewar ke amitabh ki tarah aur jab jaa rahe ho to sholay ke asrani ke tarah"

We were declared the WINNERS and the match was called off..!

"Just when they found the key to success, we changed the lock"

MORAL:
The key to success is 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2.

PS: This post is not meant to hurt anyone's sentiments but to prove my point.

'THE CHADDI MODEL'

This humorous piece of work was collectively carried out by partners in crime and computer engineers viz. Aman, Ritwik, Tejas, Hemal and ME during our seventh semester's externals..

The piece of work is not only humorous but informative too. It has already helped many of our juniors (in college) to crack their software engineering exams with flying colors..

It's a mnemonic to remember Software Life Cycle Model -- 'The Waterfall Model'

wait..!

seems confusing..?

lemme elaborate..

'The Waterfall Model' is one of the Software Life Cycle Models that describes the steps involved in Software development and the most ideal one..

Have u ever thought that..how is a software developed..?

No..?

okay then get ready..

Steps included in 'The Waterfall Model' are :

1) Feasibility study.
if it's feasible then move on to Step 2 else quit.

2) Requirement analysis and specification.

3) Design.

4) Coding

5) Implementation.

6) Integration.

7) Testing.

lol..! sounds tough..? difficult to remember..?

We also thought the same..

I still remember how we struggled to cram the above life cycle model..We had an exam (Software engineering) the other day and were literally stuck on this model..

but geniuses always finds their way up..!

We came up with an instantly cooked mnemonic 'THE CHADDI MODEL'

So here i present..'THE CHADDI MODEL'

Steps included in 'THE CHADDI MODEL' are:

1) Chaddi hai ki nahi. (Feasibility study)
chaddi bana ni ki chhadi hai ki nahi..

if 'no' then move on to Step 2

yes..yes..the difference lies here..there is no quitting in 'THE CHADDI MODEL' as Winners never quit..

else

Step 3

2) Chaddi chirna.

now go to Step 3

3) Chaddi bana ne ke liye client ka size naapna aur doosri gupt information collect karna. ( Requirement analysis and specification)

4) Chaddi ka design taiyaar karna. (Design)

5) Chaddi ke parts ko individual taiyaar karna. (Coding and Implementation)

6) Chaddi ke parts ko seena. (Integration)

7) Chaddi pahen kar test karna. (Testing)

and thats all..!

howz tht..?

easy..? hmm..! even we thought so..

anyways..carry on..

all the best for ur software engineering exam..!

NGNB (Nice Guy, Not Bastard) THEOREM

Statement :

Prerak is a nice person and not a bastard.

Given:

Prerak

To Prove:

Prerak is a nice person.
Prerak is not a bastard.

Proof:

“Not all people, who claims that they are not bastards, are bastards.” ------ (1)
-- Prerak S. Parikh
' Daily Vibes'
1998

I claim that I am not a bastard. ------ (2)


Chhabu, a respected computer engineer, a SAP consultant and my near & dear friend is well known for ‘speaking truth’ in my friend circle..

Every word uttered by him is true. ------ (3)

The following are certain real life incidents, evidences and stories that supports my point and are required to prove my theorem.


1) Chabbra’s Traffic light’s theory :-

A traffic signal has three lights..Red, Yellow and Green..

Hey Hey..wait..!

I’m sure u must be wondering wht the hell am I talking..?

Well, this is not at all related to traffic signal but the colours..

lemme elaborate..

Chhabu used to carry a diary in which he categorized people whom he met in his life under three different columns..

'The Red' , 'The Yellow' and 'The Green'

Strange..?

it is..!

Red symbolizes anger, hatred, abhorrence, etc..
Those people, whom Chhabu hated the most in life, were placed in this column. The column consisted of 50% of the people, whom he knew..

Yellow symbolizes dullness, etc..
Those people, whom he had okay okay types relationship, were placed here. The column consisted of rest 40% of the people.

Green symbolizes truth, love, etc..
The rest 10% of the people, whom he really liked were categorized in this column..

Guess wht..?

I was categorized in the ‘Green ’column which makes a nice person according to him. ------ (4)

Now, from (3) and (4)

It can be easily proved tht I’m a nice person ------ proved ------ (5)


2) Chhabu in puddle

fasten ur seat belts..it’s humorous..

Once upon a time (this is how all the stories starts)..

but wait..

I still remember when it took place..

This comic incident took place during third internal in the 5th semester. I was unfortunately not there as I was commuting. Hemal, Chhabu and me were room partners those days.

Hey Hey..! chillax guys..! i’m sure u all must be anxiously waiting for me to start..

Well, here I go..

Chhabu, a respected computer engineer and a SAP consultant as I said earlier and Hemal, the style icon were taking a deep nap on one fine rainy evening in room no 215 of DDU hostel. It was extremely dark and the clock struck 7. Dark clouds were showering heavily with loud thunderstorms literally ripping off the ear drums. A sudden crackling sound of thunderstorm woke Hemal up from a wonderful dream. He then woke Chhabu up and both decided to take dinner at Woodlands (‘THE’ place in Nadiad for lunch and dinner). Hemal quickly wore a black agile T-Shirt and a bermuda shorts and asked chhabu who was lazily lying on bed to get ready fast. Chhabu quickly donned his ‘phuket’ jersey, ‘bornfire’ bermuda shorts and a pair of fancy brown slippers on hemal’s warning to leave for dinner without him if he took more time. Eventually, they locked up the room door and headed for Woodlands but not before kicking Dilli’s room’s door (room no. 212) which was on the right side of the lobby from 215, just to bug him (Dilli), Ramani and Jinu.

On reaching the hostel’s main gate, they found out that the kuchcha road that connected the hostel with Kisan Samosa Street was water-logged. It was no different than a marshy land; slippery and watery. Inspite of Chhabu’s refusal, they decided to go ahead. Discussing about the exam we took in the morning , they started to find their way by the road sides which was less slippery. They were literally struggling to get to the Kisan Samosa Street from where they could get an auto rickshaw and reach the restaurant easily. Suddenly a sound was heard (only to one person..u’ll soon know) ‘puchhaakk’..should I replay it again..? ‘puchhaakk’ yes yes..u heard it right ‘puchhaakk’..Don’t laugh..but Chhabu’s left leg was in a puddle and his foot along with fancy slipper got stuck in wet mud beneath, halting him. Hemal did not realize at that time and kept on moving ahead carefully only to find out later that Chhabu wasn’t around. He looked back and saw Chhabu stuck somewhere. He exclaimed “ hey loda, tya shu kare che..? jaldi karne..kaale exam che..khabar che ne..? ek pan akshar vaachiyo nathi” ("Hey ass..! wht the hell are you doing over there..? come fast..! don’t u know that we have exam tomorrow..? I haven’t studied a single word yet.”).Chhabu’s cry for help made Hemal realize that he was in trouble. On knowing wht happened exactly, Hemal started laughing like anything as if Chhabu was a joker. Chhabu asked him for help but he (Hemal) was intelligent. His laughter grew louder and louder. Finding himself alone, Chhabu decided to help himself on his own. To remove his left leg from the puddle, he forcefully inserted his right one on which he can lift the left leg, splashing the muddy water all over his body. Guess wht..? I know u guessed it right..! he ended up with both the legs in the puddle; completely stranded. “ Bhagwaan, O mara Bhagwaan..!” (“God, Oh my God..!”), he cried. Still, Hemal’s laughter was growing louder and louder (asshole..!).

Eventually, Chhabu decided to take an immediate step and he lifted his left leg with a jerk only to find that his foot was bare...(lol..!). His fancy brown slipper was gone. It was stuck in wet mud in the puddle. He then placed his left bare foot at a safer place and furiously lifted his right one..yes yes..it isn’t hard to guess..! the right slipper was also gone..Hemal went crazier and crazier (haramkhor). Chhabu was now bare footed ,wht we call as “Naange paav” in hindi..with his pair of fancy slippers stuck in the puddle. He was almost entirely splashed with muddy water all over his body..(Wht a comic scene..?). Unfortunately (infact fortunately), there was no one around to help (Hemal = no one). There was no option left with Chhabu other than to put his hands in the puddle to search his slippers..(Yuck..!). He fortunately (infact unfortunately) found the slippers with mud all around and washed it in some other nearby puddle. He angrily asked Hemal “Bhaad ma jaa..!” (“Plz,Go Away..!”) and told him “agar Prerko hot to mane definitely help karat” (“ If Prerak would have had been there, he would have had definitely helped me”)..

wait..!

lemme just rewind and play it again in 1/2x mode

“a g a r P r e r k o h o t t o m a n e d e f I n I t e l y h e l p k a r a t” (“ I f P r e r a k w o u l d h a v e h a d b e e n t h e r e , h e w o u l d h a v e h a d d e f I n I t e l y h e l p e d m e”). ------ (6)

This proves that Chhabu believes that I’m not a bastard. ------ (7)

from (3) and (7) we can deduce that

Prerak is not a bastard ------proved ------ (8)

Finally, from (5) and (8)

Prerak is a nice person.
Prerak is not a bastard.

Hence, the statement..
Prerak is a nice person and not a bastard.