How to earn money ?

Don't work hard; work smart.
Prerak Parikh
a smart guy

There is nothing like listening to heart; use brain everywhere.
Prerak Parikh
a brainy chap

There are things which seem incredible to most men who have not studied Mathematics.
Prerak Parikh
mathematician

Friends,

How to earn money ? This is one of the most frequently asked questions since ages. People nowadays want to earn money by any means; by hook or by crook..but how..? this is a head scratching question. There are millions and trillions of websites on internet that gives u useless tips on the same, but don't worry you have come to the right place. I'll teach you one effective method to earn bucks.

Let say, u got a cricket series ( 6 matches ) ahead next month..

First match : India v/s Australia

All u got to do is to prepare 800 letters that predicts outcome of the first match.

Write INDIA WILL WIN TOMORROW in 400 letters and AUSTRALIA WILL WIN TOMORROW in the rest 400.

Post these letters to random addresses in your city before the match day..yeah..mind u that u post the letters to rich people around..

Now..let say..if INDIA WINS, ur next step should be but obvious..concentrate on the clients whom u have sent letters bearing INDIA WILL WIN TOMORROW.

Second match : Pakistan v/s South Africa

Out of these 400 fools, post PAKISTAN WILL WIN TOMORROW to 200 people and SOUTH AFRICA WILL WIN TOMORROW to the rest.

Now..let say..if SOUTH AFRICA WINS, ur next step should be but obvious again..concentrate on the bumchums whom u have sent letters bearing SOUTH AFRICA WILL WIN TOMORROW. These 200 people would be the ones who recieved two correct predictions from u.

Third match : West Indies v/s Srilanka

Of these 200, send WI WILL WIN TOMORROW to 100 and SRILANKA WILL WIN TOMORROW to the rest.

So now u tell me wht if WI wins..? yeah..u r right..

u got 100 fools left.

Fourth match : Scotland v/s Canada

Remaining fools : 50 :-)

Fifth match : UAE v/s Zimbabwe

Send UAE WILL WIN TOMORROW to 25 of them and ZIMBABWE WILL WIN TOMORROW to the rest 25

do the same..if ZIMBABWE WINS..concentrate on the asses whom u have sent letters which says ZIMBABWE WILL WIN TOMORROW.

Sixth mach : Kenya v/s Bangladesh

Well, here Kenyans are underdogs..So send BANGLADESH WILL WIN TOMORROW to 13 people of those 25 and KENYA WILL WIN TOMORROW to the rest 12.

So if Bangladesh wins,

these 13 people out of 800 (originally) would be the ones who got all the correct predictions.

NOTE : Do write ur phone number at the end of each letter that u despatch everytime.

The real play starts now..

These 13 people are the ones who are completely boggled by ur predictions..u r kinda sure shot match predictors for them.

Post one more letter to them saying that they can avail predictions for the future match series at a minimal cost of $200.

I bet u'll surely get response from atleast 10 of them..:-)

So, 10*200 = $ 2000

$ 2000 per series..wht say..? not bad..

PS: The author is not responsible for any jetty consequences that one might/might not face later on.

Repondez s'il vous plait

Friends,

Have u ever thought wht would u do after u get a rejection letter from the company u applied to for a job, a week ago..

don't know..? okay okay..u have come to the right place..

i'll give u some sure shot tips that would really help u out..

Just hold the rejection letter in your hand and imagine that RSVP is printed on its bottom right. Arrey..don't think much..i asking u to imagine it.

The next time u get a rejection letter from a hoped-employer, a company or a publisher just reply them with the following:

Dear (name of the employer),

Thank you for your awesomely written letter of rejection dated (date). Despite the fact that the letter was nicely written, it had certain spelling mistakes. I don't understand, how come an employer like you from a well-known & world reputed firm, commit such horrible spelling mistakes. Dude you gotta improve. (Write the lines even if there are no spelling mistakes). After careful consideration, I sincerely regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal. I tried hard but I'm sorry.

You would be shocked to learn that this year I have been consistently & particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of refusals. You wont believe but I actually recieved some 500 rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it's impossible for me to accept all the refusals. Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and 50 years of past experience in rejecting job applications, I find that your rejection doesn't meet with my needs presently. You could probaby try later on.

Hence, I will initiate empoyment with your organisation as soon as I am done with my graduation. Please note that I would not tolerate your wrong english once I join your company so better start working on it. And please be well-prepared to face an interview with me after I join. I might ask anything. I look forward to working with you.

All the very best for rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

(your name).

PS: The author is not responsible for any unpredictable consequences that one might/might not face later on.

The World of Paradoxes

Empty mind is not just devil's workshop but devil's drawing room, devil's bedroom and devil's toilet too.

Prerak Parikh

lazy swine

Oh God..!

What's happening to me these days..? My mind is going weirder and weirder day by day..it's going from bad to worse and from worse to worst.I don't know why but i've started relating everything to paradoxes these days..everything i think, ends up in a paradoxical situation.I know tht sounds bit awkward but i've actually studied some real life paradoxical cases.

lemme start..

Prerak's paradox

I discovered this paradox while chatting with a girl named Nirali Shah on mig33. Lemme tell u how it all happened and how the paradox hit mind..On one fine day, some couple of days ago, while having a regular chat, i asked her what is she doing.She was like she is in a room with her friend and both are chatting with their respective friends on mig33. I was bit boggled at that time..i don't know why but i felt something strange..For a minute or two, i closed my eyes and started analysing the situation..According to her, the situation was, two persons in a room chatting with their respective friends in the outer world on their phones..okay okay..lemme simplify the case..

Let the world population count be X.

The room is THE INNER WORLD ( no communication by any means among the people in the inner world is allowed).

The people with whom the inner world people are chatting with are in THE OUTER WORLD.

Now..for the first case, i mean the case which she told..

The number of people in the inner world = 2 and the number of people in the outer world = X-2

okay lets take a different case..think of a case where there are six people in a room.

This means..

The number of people in the inner world = 6 and the number of people in the outer world = X-6

Think of a case where there are 100 people in a room.

Obviously,

The number of people in the inner world = 100 and the number of people in the outer world = X-100

Now let us integrate the case to its extreme value..just think wht if the whole world (world's population) is in the inner world (in a room)..?

Just think for a while..yeah tht's a PARADOX

A person is not allowed to chat with a person in the inner world and there is no one in the outer world.. wht say..?


Paradox's paradox

couldn't think of a proper name.. :)

This is worst paradox ever studied/thought.

well, i thought of this paradox while shitting..To be honest, more than half of the mind work is done on a pot seat.

Imagine, there are two families.

Family 1 :
A lady named X, her mother Y and her daughter Z.

Family 2:
A man named A, his father B and his son C.

Now tell me wht if X marries A, Y marries B and Z marries C..?

OMFG..see how relations intermingle..

1) A's father B is also his son-in-law.
2) A's son C is also his father-in-law.
3) X's mother Y is also her daughter-in-law.
4) X's daughter Z is also her mother-in-law.
5) A's mother-in-law Y is also his daughter-in-law.
6) A's daughter (actual daughter of X) is also his mother.
7) X's father_in_law B is also her son-in-law.
8) X's son (actual son of A) is also her father.

i know u must be pulling your hair..even i did ;)

Paradox, paradox and paradox all over.

okay okay..don't think much..get back to ur work..

Bye :)

STRANGE WORLD, STRANGE PEOPLE !

BACK IN ACTION

I said "Sorry !"; She said "Please don't talk to me."

I said "Sorry !" again; She said "Please don't disurb me."

But when I said "Go to Hell !", She said "Hey..! I'm sorry."

Prerak S. Parikh

Psychologist

The Times

August 2007

Hello friends,

Good day..!

I'm here to discuss something about HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY today. HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY refers to a scientific discipline that studies/analyzes mental process and behaviour in humans. Psychology is a science of individual or group behaviour and the word literally means ‘Study of mind’.

Well, lemme take you away from such bookish definitions to some real observations and instances. I’ll cover few points, few illustrations which would give u a sheer picture of human tendency to react to negative/weird stuffs.

1) Imagine a scenario where you are invited in a public function in which some random person is gonna be awarded for his bravery. Now, tell me how many of u would actually go and attend the function..? Tell me what’s the probability of your attending the function..? I’m dead sure it would be less than 50% (survey). You, infact anyone would think what the hell will one do over there..? What say..?

Okay..Now imagine a scenario where you are invited in the same public function and the same person is gonna be beaten hard instead of being awarded. Now tell me what the probability is..?
More than 90% (rather 100%) ? So, this is what I want to explain that a human mind always reacts to a negative impact.

According to my survey, 2 out of 10 people said that they would attend the function where the man was to be awarded whereas rest all said “No” and 9 out of 10 people said that they would attend the function where the man was to be beaten hard whereas just one person said “No”. The picture is clear.

2) You must have noticed that at each and every university/college main gate, there stand dozens of boys/young men, handing out paper pamphlets for advertisement purposes. Some say “Work while you study” whereas others say “Best coaching class in town”. Don’t u think these people are fools..?

I want u to tell me how many of these pamphlets are actually read by the students..? Tell me what percentage do the pamphlets that are read make..?
20% or 30% (survey) right?

So how should one tackle this..? How should one increase the percentage..?

Well, here it is. Think, what if the boys give away the pamphlets after folding them into paper balls..? I’m pretty sure that even the busiest man on the planet would unfold it to check what’s in, out of curiosity.

The percentage could be drastically improved (upto 60%) by such practice. Human psychology plays a vital role here too.

3) I’ve had observed one more thing during my college life. The number of people/friends disturbing u, when u hang DON’T DISTURB placard on ur door handle, are more than the number of friends disturbing u, when u don’t hang it.

So think about it..never ever hang such stuff, if u don’t wanna get disturbed. Human psychology is strange.

4) Do u like random chats with random people..? i mean..yahoo, young times, mig33..? Yes..?

Well, i got some tips then..I usually chat with random people on mig33 and I’ve noticed one thing. Infact, it was a sort of survey to prove my point.

What i did was..I typed ‘Hey, asl..?’ in the chat box and sent it to 10 girls (obviously,i don’t chat with boys in random chat room). To my surprise, i got replies from just 2 girls. I don’t understand why girls don’t reply to genuine people (me ;-)). I waited and waited..still, no more replies..(in vain)

Huh ! What i did then was, I typed ‘Hey Bitch’ and sent it to the same girls..Can u guess what would have had happened then..? i know it’s easy to guess..Can u..? Well, I got 10 replies..yes yes..all the 10 girls replied..

It’s as simple as that. Human psychology, once again.

5) U would be surprised to know that even our memory is related to the psychology. Want to know how..? okay..

I’ll give u a list of items..

i) Man
ii) Bread
iii) Cup
iv) Knife
v) Coin
vi) Clock
vii) Desk

Now can u remember this list..? i know it would be tough to recall I but as I said earlier, Human psychology rules!

I’ll tell u how can it help you..

Try to remember the list in the following way..link each and every item one by one. For example..first link man and bread..think of the weirdest combination between the two..something like man and bread are best friends or man and bread are playing cricket etc. Once done with this, move on to the third item viz. Cup. Now, relate bread with a cup..again in a strange way..something like a cup is made up of bread crumb.etc..etc..Keep on linking items one by one and try to recall it..i’m damn sure that it would flow smoothly..enjoy!

Conclusion : Everything is possible in this weird world, if u think differently.

PS : The author is not at all responsible for any jetty consequences that one might/might not face after reading the article.

ADIEU HEMAL !

You're...My Friend, my companion, through good times and bad..my friend, my buddy, through happy and sad, beside me you stand, beside me you walk, you're there to listen, you're there to talk, with happiness, with smiles, with pain and tears, I know you'll be there, throughout the years!

Friends,

Namaste..!

Well, this post is not at all about going crazy. So apologies to those who expected yet another weird and a crazy one.

Wht the hell..?

It's 4 am right now but i'm still wide awake.My body is forcing me to shut my eyes but my mind says 'NO !'. Stream of thoughts is running all over my cerebrum, cerebellum and medula oblangata.

Won't ask me WHY..?

I'm upset :-(

My best buddy Hemal, is leaving for US tomorow. I'm just reminiscing those golden years that we spent together. I feel as if a projector has been installed at the back of my mind tht's flashing those creamy moments we shared in these four years of our friendship.

Dude..How am i gonna forget all tht..?

I am gonna miss each and everything..

Our hostel room 215, those late night chats (U, chabbu, ritwik, aman and me), exam days, late night snacks and coffee @ hostel canteen, breaking locks every third day, shifting rooms, cricket matches @ tapan's verandah, canal visits, mocha's mint hookahs, TCs' daav vaala hookahs, late night platters, abu..udaipur..shreenathji visits, Uttrayan dhamaal, dance parties, teen patti nights, jasu behen's pizza, woodlands..heritage..Madhuli, all that masti with chhabu..

Man, it would be really tough..

I sincerely apologise that i'm not there these days but cannot help it as u know why..

Thanks for everything, all ur support which u gave me in whatever possible form u could give.

Please forgive me, if i've done anything wrong with u or hurt u (accidently or purposefully).

I wish u all the very best for ur higher studies. Gob bless u for ur future endeavors.

PS : Please add comments and tell him how much r u people gonna miss him.

ABRA-CA-CHHABRA

Amigos,

Greetings..!

Apologies for a long break.

Well, i know u must have expected a long boring post from me once again but lemme promise u that this post isn't so.This post will contain no words but action.

I, whole-heartedly dedicate this post to my dear friend Mr. Tejas Chhabra.

The post will prove that Mr. Chhabra isn't just a respected computer engineer and a SAP consultant but a MAGICIAN too.

Hey Hey..! don't laugh..i'm emitting the truth..

Don't believe it..?

Check out the following video..

The video was shot by me when Mr. Chhabra was performing the trick in room no. 215 of DDU boys hostel. U'll see Mr. Chhabra in the same outfit which he wore during the hillarious incident in the post NGNB THEOREM.

well, here it goes..check it out..



PS : If u don't know Mr. Chhabra then better read my posts NGNB THEOREM and HOW TO IRRITATE OTHERS AND SHED FRIENDS?

How to irritate others and shed friends?

'I don't have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation'
--Prerak Parikh
The Chronicle
July,2007

Dudes and Dudettes..!

Here,i come again, with yet another weird but informative piece of article.

Till date,you must have had come across millions and trillions of books and articles that gives random,shitty tips and techniques to impress others and make friends..

Yesterday,I was surfing a library, where I found some 100 to 200 books and articles on the same..

'How to start a conversation and make friends?'
-by Don Gabor

'How to win friends and influence people?'
-by Dale Carnegie

'How to make friends fast?'
-by Frebbie Glue

'Road to friendship'
-by G K. Madison

'Learn to make friends and impress people in just two weeks'
-by John Bradman

etc etc etc..

"What the hell?",i yelled.

Don't u think this is all rubbish?

Fasten ur seat belts..u'll be shocked to learn that, Frebbie Glue, the bald and snobbish author of 'How to make friends fast?' never ever had friends in his life..

How the hell can anyone teach u how to make friends and impress people?

Do u really think u need help of a book to make buddies and influence others?

If u think so, just think about urself..

How many friends do u have?

Did u ever read a book to make friends?

Huh..! atleast now u r getting my point..

In today's world, it's extremely easy to make new friends and instigate people.Just go and join some friendship club in ur locality or just join an orkut community.

lol..! IN SEARCH OF AN AMIGO

You don't even need to do the above mentioned things.You can just approach a random stranger who is loitering around and start talking some intersting suff.He'll be ur buddy,the next minute..

You see..How easy..?

The only problems that are pinching today's youngsters are How to lose friends? it's easy to make friends but have u ever wondered how would u lose one? How to irritate people? How to rub ur friend's ass? (don't take it literally..it's a slang) How to get rid of ur friends? How to become a lamer, a spagnut, a spudnut or a bozo?

Studies have revealed that on an average, a person meets 2-3 lacs people and makes around 500-1000 friends, depending on his nature, in his life time.

My God..!

Don't believe it? Check out ur orkut's friend list..

What i mean to explain is, you don't require such books to make friends.

lemme just stop blabbering and come to the main point..'How to irritate people and alienate friends?'

Before starting, lemme make one thing very clear that the stuff u gonna read now, may or may not lead to unpredictable and jetty consequences and the author is not at all responsible for the same.You may quit if u want else go ahead..All the best..!

Hmm..! so how to bug others and lose friends?

i'll list out some ways to become an irrit.It contains few patent stuff so it's usage is strictly prohibited unless permission is sought from the author.

Infact,u r permitted ;-)

1) Become an ASKHOLE

Wait..!

u might be thinking that i've made a typing mistake but u heard it right..mind u..i'm asking u to become an ASKHOLE and not ASSHOLE/ARSEHOLE..Not only will u lose friends but gain enemies too, by becoming an ASSHOLE..so beware..!

coming back to the point..hey hey..don't gape..i'll tell u who an ASKHOLE is?

ASKHOLE is a person who keeps on asking random and useless questions.Ask ask and ask till u bask and ur friends says 'bus' (enough).It is the best technique to become a bozo.Prepare a series of random questions and learn them by heart..cram it..! Shower them on each and every friend u meet.These questions must range from 'How are you' to 'What's the color of the underwear u r wearing' and from 'What's ur father's age' to 'What's ur grandpa's age' even if u know that his grandpa has already left for heaven, be sure to ask Why, and keep in store a corresponding Why for every answer the patient of a man/woman has for you. With constant practice you shall be avoided. But there is no time for repose, this is just the beginning.

2) SHAAYROLOGY

Chillax..! don't look around for dictionary..

SHAAYROLOGY is a branch of study that deals with shaayris.

All u need to do is to think a rhyming two liner for eg. "aap aaye bahaar aayi..aap gaye chaar aur aayi" and fire it on ur friends when u r in a group..wait..it isn't easy..don't just emit the whole line in one breath..take time and use hand gestures..for eg..

aap aaye bahaar aayi..wah wah..! all hail..!
arz kiya haiaap aaye bahaar aayi..wah wah..! all hail..!
aap aap wah wah..! all hail..!
aap aaye bahaar aayi..
ek aur baar
aap aaye bahaar aayi..
repeat it somewhat like 15 times and then
aap gaye chaar aur aayi..wah wah..! all hail..all hail..!

hmm..! there is an alternative to the above method..

Think of a rhyming two liner and convert it into a sonnet..

How..?

well, lemme illustrate..

"tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya, jo mujpe chaaya..do minute ruk, mein susu karke aaya"

now see how i convert it into a sonnet

arz kiya hai..
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya wah wah..! all hail..!
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya wah wah..!
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya, jo mujpe chaaya wah wah..! all hail..!
1-2-3-4, 4-3-2-1 wah wah..!
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya, jo mujpe chaaya wah wah..! all hail..!
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya wah wah..! all hail..!
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya wah wah..! wah wah..! all hail..!
1-2-3-4, 4-3-2-1 wah wah..!
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya, jo mujpe chaaya wah wah..! all hail..!
upar se niche, niche se upar wah wah..! wah wah..!
aage se piche,piche se aage wah wah..! wah wah..!
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya, jo mujpe chaaya
tere pyaar ka aisa kaisa saaya, jo mujpe chaaya
do minute ruk, mein susu karke aaya..wah wah..!

i bet, this will eat up ur friend's brain..lol..!

Infact, this is precisely what i do to pester THE GORILLAS (u wont know wht's it unless and untill u read my post titled 'WINNERS NEVER QUIT' (1-2-1-2-1-2)

3) Hit the Bull's eye

There are a couple of other methods to chafe people and the best one is to attack their ego. Wait, didn't I say the best was to ask questions? Oh whatever, just read don't ask questions. Attack the ego, I say. Sermonize as much as you can. Tell them always that the best path to take in life is a path of integrity, honesty and virtue. Make sure you yourself are atleast a hundred miles away from that path. Great. Ask people that did they embrace the path of integrity, honesty and virtue or are they still ignoble in their outlook every time you meet them. Make sure this is asked in public. You shall again be avoided.
You can also do it in a different way..

Just point out the fields in which ur friends have deep knowledge and ask some random question related to the topic, which are extremely difficult to answer..

Not getting it..?

lemme illustrate..

If someone is very good at cricket and always keeps on boasting about it everyewhere..Ask him some ultra difficult questions related to the sport...ask him "Which sport did Gavaskar use to play before joining cricket?"."In which year did Robin Singh drop his first catch","Against whom did Debashish Mohanty hit his first six?"..don't laugh..but do it, ask the worst questions of all times and make sure u urself know the answers.Do it in public..especially when females are around..Criticize him if he is unable to answer even a single question..Just exaggerate the whole scenerio while telling it to others..he'll surely make plans to kill u overnight..lol..!

4) 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2

You can skip this point if u have already read my article titled 'WINNERS NEVER QUIT'(1-2-1-2-1-2).If not,i would advice u to read that article and if you don't have time for that..lemme explain this technique in brief.

This is generally used while playing a sport.1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2...It's a jingle created by Chintan and ME to irritate others especially our opponents..we sing it whenever he hit a six, four or take a wicket.

people give high-fives but we use this jingle.

Now how to use this jingle..?

well,
when u say 1, tap ur left leg with the right one lifted in air and when u say 2, tap ur right leg with the left one lifted in air..1 for left, 2 for right, 1 for left, 2 for right (just like army people do)..go on and on and on and on..untill the opponent guy gets extremely furious.This has actually played a vital role in our success..

5) Ashesh's theory of repulsion and cellphone

Don't think much..Ashesh is my dear friend..his theory would definitely help u out to annoy ur friends.

Now the question arises..Wht's the theory?

well, it says "Just say the opposite of what ur friends say and if u feel that you are too weak to prove ur point, pull out ur cellphone from the pocket and start chatting".

for eg. If ur friend claim that Ahmedabad is in Gujarat tell him that he is absolutely wrong..instead,tell him that Ahmedabad is in Karnataka.Stick to it even if u know that u are wrong.Tell ur friend that he doesn't know anything and that he is a shithead.This will actually compel him to bang his head against the wall.

6) Comment randomly

This is yet another effective techinque to rub ur friend's ass.Comment on on everything tht's related to him.Make him feel that he is the only bastard present on the earth.

yes yes..i know u waiting for me to elaborate..i'll..

This is how Aman and Ritwik, my dear friends used to irritate Chhabra,the hero of post 'NGNB THEOREM'.The sole problem with Chhabra is that, he appears to be atleast double of his actual age (21 years).So whenever anything realated to age comes in the discussion,his ass is shot.Aman claims that he can do wonders if he takes part in 'The Great India laughhter Challenge'.A single sentence could make people go crazy.All he needs to do is to go there on the stage and emit "Mein ekkis saal ka hun" ("I am 21 years old").People would actually go flat..lol..!
Once day while describing something about a girl (i don't exactly remember whom),Chabbra uttered "Woh hamare age ki hai" (She is of our age).Aman was like "Hey hey Chhabu, before proceeding, make the thing clear mere (mine) age ki ya tere (ur) age ki".Chhabu was extremely furious at that time.

Do some stuff like this and ur victory is confirmed.


7) Talk in Sign Language

Well, this technique requires a companion.It's useful when u r in a group of three and two of u want to harrass the third ass.All u and ur companion need to do is to cook up a sign language which uses hand gestures and learn it by heart.Practice it as much as u can and fix a day on which u'll use it.
Use the sign language for each and everything u want to deliver ur companion.The third soul will get extremely furious and exasperated.

This is precisely what we (Hemal and ME) used to do to chafe Tejas Chhabra.

Now that you have lost one friend, you can move on to make others solely for the purpose of annoying and losing them.

PS: Reading this article might damage your mental health and the author takes no responsibility.